Starting nursery is a big transition — for your child and for you. This guide walks through what happens in the days and weeks before your child's first full session, what settling-in should look like, how the key person system works, and how to spot whether your child is adjusting well.
What happens before my child's first day at nursery?
Before your child's first paid session, a good nursery will arrange at least one home or office meeting with you to complete paperwork and gather information about your child's routines, interests, diet, allergies, key words, and comfort items. You'll be introduced to the room leader and your child's key person.
Expect to complete a registration form, a health and medical declaration, emergency contacts, permissions for photos, outings and sun cream, and often a short “All About Me” sheet that helps the nursery understand your child as an individual.
Ask which communication tool the nursery uses day-to-day (online learning journal, parent app, paper diary), what the drop-off and pick-up routine looks like, and how the nursery handles illness or emergencies.
What are settling-in sessions, and how many should there be?
Settling-in sessions are short visits before your child's paid start date that let them meet the staff and the room in a gradual way. UK early-years best practice is a minimum of three settling-in sessions, with additional sessions offered free of charge if your child needs more time.
A typical three-session pattern looks like:
- Session 1: you stay with your child for around an hour. They meet their key person, explore the room, and you share information about your child's routines and preferences.
- Session 2: you leave your child for two to three hours while the key person supports them through a snack, an activity, and perhaps a nappy change or lunch.
- Session 3: your child stays for half a day or longer, including lunch and a nap or rest period, so they experience a full transition of care.
If you're comparing nurseries, ask how many settling sessions are included as standard and whether extra sessions are free or charged.
What is a key person and why does it matter?
The key person system is a statutory requirement of the Early Years Foundation Stage. Every child at a registered nursery is assigned a named key person — a specific member of staff who takes particular responsibility for their care, development, and family relationship.
The key person greets your child at drop-off, settles them, changes nappies, observes learning progress, keeps your child's learning journal, and is your main point of contact for questions. Children form an attachment with their key person that helps them feel secure away from you.
If your key person is on leave, a named back-up key person steps in so your child always has a familiar face. Ask at a visit who the key person will be, what their qualifications are, and how the back-up arrangement works.
How long does it take children to settle at nursery?
Most children settle within two to four weeks, though every child is different. Younger babies who haven't yet developed strong separation awareness often settle in days. Children between 8 and 18 months, who are at peak separation sensitivity, can take longer. Toddlers and pre-schoolers typically settle within the first fortnight.
Signs your child is settling well include: eating and drinking at nursery, accepting comfort from their key person, engaging with activities, sleeping reasonably (even if less than at home), and arriving with something approaching willingness.
Crying at drop-off but then settling within ten minutes is very common and not a cause for concern. Ask the key person to share a photo or a short message once your child has settled on the first few days — it will help you more than it will help them.
What should I pack on the first full day?
Most UK nurseries provide a packing list, but typical items include:
- Two or three full spare outfits in age-appropriate sizes
- Nappies and wipes if your child is under 3 (usually supplied by parents)
- A comfort item or soft toy if your child has one — not a favourite that can't be replaced
- Sun cream in summer (apply a first coat before drop-off)
- A warm coat and waterproofs in winter — good nurseries play outdoors in almost all weathers
- A water bottle labelled with your child's name
- Formula, expressed milk, or bottles if your child is a baby
- Any prescribed medication, with a written administration authority
Label everything clearly — coats, hats, bottles, lunch boxes. Nurseries are busy places and unlabelled items go missing.
How will the nursery keep me updated?
Most UK nurseries use an online learning journal app — common platforms include Tapestry, Famly, Blossom, and iConnect. These send daily updates on meals, naps, nappies, mood, and activities, along with photos and short notes from the key person. Parents can contribute observations from home.
Alongside the app, you'll usually get a brief verbal handover at pick-up: what your child ate, how they slept, what they enjoyed, anything notable. Don't be afraid to ask if it's been skipped — those first weeks of information build your confidence.
Termly parent consultations provide a deeper conversation on progress against the EYFS framework. If anything significant happens (a bump, an injury, a noticeable change), the nursery will call you during the day rather than wait for pick-up.
What if my child is upset at drop-off?
Some tears at drop-off are normal and often don't reflect how the rest of the day goes. Practical strategies that help:
- Keep drop-offs short and calm — long goodbyes heighten distress
- Use the same goodbye phrase every day (“See you after tea, love you lots”)
- Hand your child directly to their key person rather than setting them down
- Leave promptly once you've said goodbye; don't linger by the door
- Ask the key person to send a quick message ten to fifteen minutes later so you know how your child settled
Most children who cry at drop-off are playing happily within minutes. Consistency is more settling than any single technique — doing the same thing every morning gives your child a predictable rhythm they can trust.
When should I worry that my child isn't settling?
If after three to four weeks your child still cries for prolonged periods at nursery, refuses to eat or drink, seems persistently distressed at pick-up (not just tired), is regressing significantly at home (sleep disturbance lasting weeks, major behaviour changes), or the key person reports difficulty engaging them in activity, talk to the room leader or manager.
Most settling concerns resolve with more time, more familiarity with the key person, or small routine adjustments — sometimes just switching a drop-off time or adding an extra settling session is enough. Occasionally a different nursery, a delayed start, or a slower build-up of hours is the right answer.
A good nursery welcomes this conversation rather than defending itself. If you raise a concern and feel dismissed, that itself is information.
What should I do at home to support settling?
Small routines help. Talk about nursery positively. Name the key person — children cope better when they can picture who looks after them. Look at photos if the nursery shares them on the app. Keep mornings calm and leave plenty of time.
Have a predictable handover routine: same words, same hug. Afterwards, don't interrogate. Young children often can't verbalise their day, and a volley of questions can feel pressuring. Instead, offer quiet time after pick-up and mention things you heard from the key person (“I heard you went in the sandpit today — was it fun?”).
Expect tiredness and some emotional wobbles at home in the first fortnight. Earlier bedtimes, simpler evenings, and lower expectations all help. This is normal, and it does pass.
Next steps
When you choose a nursery, ask how many settling-in sessions are included and how they're structured. A minimum of three sessions, with flexibility to extend if needed, is what good UK early-years practice looks like. Combined with a well-defined key person and good daily communication, it's the surest predictor of a smooth first term.